Why Eye Contact Can Feel So Hard for Neurodivergent Children
Ever asked a child to “look at me when I’m talking” — and noticed them squirm, glance away, or even panic?
For many neurodivergent kids, eye contact isn’t just uncomfortable — it’s overwhelming. It can feel like standing under a harsh spotlight when they desperately want a soft lamp.
What’s Really Happening?
Neurodivergent brains often process multiple streams of data at once.
Holding eye contact means decoding facial expressions, managing internal anxiety, thinking about what to say, and trying to stay calm.
It’s like having ten browser tabs open, plus a pop-up ad demanding immediate attention.
Their nervous system can’t cope, so they look away.
What Does It Feel Like Inside?
Children describe their hearts racing, skin prickling, and minds going blank — or like emotions from the other person are flooding into them too fast.
Looking away isn’t avoidance.
It’s how they stay present.
How Can We Respond With Compassion?
- Drop the expectation of direct eye contact. Suggest looking at your forehead or shoulder instead.
- Notice other signs of engagement. Are they nodding, fidgeting, softly humming? That is connecting, too.
- Avoid labelling it rude. For many, eye contact actually blocks connection.
Learn More About Neurodivergent Social Experiences
Watch my full video Why Eye Contact Can Feel So Hard (and That’s Okay). It goes deep into the lived sensory reality.
Also explore:
- Understanding PDA in Children (because demand overload often affects eye contact)
- Supporting Neurodivergent Teens Without Smothering Them (teens often mask but still struggle)
Or check out these videos, and more, on my YouTube channel Different… And Loving It!
Every child deserves to connect in the way that feels safest for them.
Let’s create classrooms and homes that honour those differences — and watch trust grow.