Understanding PDA in Children: What Parents and Teachers Need to Know
Have you ever asked a child to put on their shoes — and been met with panic, defiance, or sudden tears?
It might not be about being “difficult.”
It could be Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA).
PDA is a profile on the autism spectrum that’s driven by an intense, anxiety-based need to resist everyday demands.
It’s not oppositional defiance; it’s a nervous system in survival mode.
What Does Pda Look Like?
Children with PDA might:
- Suddenly meltdown over simple requests
- Avoid tasks using humour, distraction or pretending they didn’t hear
- Have an intense need for control, even in play
- Get anxious over transitions — even fun ones
- Seem socially savvy yet still unravel under pressure
Often, these kids are deeply empathetic and perceptive, which makes it even harder for adults to grasp why seemingly small demands set them off.
What Does It Feel Like Inside?
For a child with PDA, being asked to brush their teeth can feel like the walls are closing in.
Their heart races, their chest tightens, and their mind goes blank.
It’s like a fire alarm blaring — one that nobody else can hear.
So they run, joke, freeze, or shout — all attempts to reclaim safety.
How To Support Kids With PDA
- Reduce perceived pressure. Offer choices. “Want the blue shoes or the red ones today?”
- Use collaborative language. “We need to head out soon — what do you think we should pack first?”
- Focus on connection, not compliance. They thrive on feeling seen and safe, not controlled.
- Plan flexible days. Rigid routines often backfire with PDA.
Keep Learning About Demand Avoidance And More
I dive deeper into these ideas in my video Understanding PDA in Children.
You might also find these helpful:
- Supporting Neurodivergent Teens Without Smothering Them (especially for pre-teens transitioning up)
- Why Eye Contact Can Feel So Hard (and That’s Okay) (often linked to demand overwhelm too)
Both these, and more, can be found on my YouTube channel Different… And Loving It!
When we understand PDA is a stress response, not a choice, we can replace frustration with compassion — and help these kids truly flourish.