Supporting Neurodivergent Children: Why Deficit-Based Language Misses Their Strengths
Have you ever read a diagnostic report about your child that felt like it was listing everything “wrong” with them?
You’re not alone.
The DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual) is the tool clinicians use to diagnose autism, ADHD, and other neurodivergences.
But the language it uses is heavily deficit-based — focusing on what children can’t do, instead of what they bring to the world.
For children and their families, this can be heartbreaking.
It shapes how they see themselves, and how others treat them.
What the DSM Says vs. What Children Experience
Terms like “restricted interests” or “deficits in social communication” sound harsh and clinical.
But in real life?
- A “restricted interest” is often a passionate strength. It can become a source of joy, mastery, and even future expertise.
- A so-called “social communication deficit” might mean preferring depth over small talk — a gift in friendships built on honesty and connection.
The Impact of Deficit-Based Language
Imagine being a child who reads their report and sees only deficits. What they internalise is:
- I’m broken.
- I’ll never have any friends.
- I’m less than others.
- There’s something very wrong with me.
- I’m a problem to be managed.
This doesn’t just influence how they feel — it shifts how teachers, peers, and adults see them too.
That can weigh heavily on their self-esteem and their willingness to try.
Seeing the Whole Child
Here’s what diagnostic reports often miss entirely, the –
- Creativity of seeing connections others overlook
- Sensory joy of noticing beauty in the everyday
- Persistence, humour, and loyalty that enrich relationships
Supporting neurodivergent children means holding space for both their challenges and their strengths.
How Adults Can Help
As adults — parents, carers, and teachers — we play a vital role in shaping how children understand themselves.
- Reframe the language. When the report says “deficit,” look for the strength hidden behind it.
- Celebrate passions. Encourage the deep interests that light children up.
- Balance the story. Yes, there may be challenges, but children deserve to know what makes them unique and capable.
Discover More
In this video, I share the issues, the damage and all the beautiful things that the DSM misses.
Final Thoughts
A diagnosis can be helpful. It can open doors to support, resources, and understanding…
But it should be the beginning of the story — not the whole story.
Every child deserves to feel valued for who they are, not reduced to a list of deficits.
💛 If your child is navigating study and self-confidence as a neurodivergent learner, I’d love to support them.